At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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