you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
