we're blogging at a bar
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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