Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
