Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
