The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
