Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
