guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
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Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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