im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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