if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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