This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
