i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
