so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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