I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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