I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
