Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
