What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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