6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
