Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
