Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
