he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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