you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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