We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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