he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
