morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
