i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
