Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
