They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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