life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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