Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
