Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
