Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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