he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
