Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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