Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
