This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
