Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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