Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
did i walk over a car last night?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
