Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
