Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
