Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
As shirtless as possible
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
