I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
