i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
