this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
