Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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