**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
