update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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