I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
