I think I just saw someone hide a body.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My penis needs a shock collar
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize