There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
