"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
