It's Friday. Sex?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
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at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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