She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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