I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
