im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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