Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Randomize