every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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