I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Four minutes until I can fart!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think people are normalizing furries
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