wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize