i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
