I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
