grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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