i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my shit smells like andre
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
