I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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