we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
